“People” Magazine Thinks We’re Stupid, Blind
Posted November 17th, 2007 in All, Celebrities, Entertainment and Weekend FluffIt’s the weekend, which means I’m officially free of obligation to post anything of redeeming social value.
Instead I’d like to point out that People magazine has clearly been eating retard sandwiches. Case in point - the “Sexiest Man Alive” issue (remember when Patrick Dempsey was just another Brat Pack wannabe?), which apparently premiered sometime recently. Frankly the only reason I give half-a-crap is that I feel the need to strike a blow for women throughout the movie-viewing world, who are currently standing in line at grocery stores, shooting each other the same vaguely quizzical expression over ridiculously small buckets chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and frozen turkeys. They’re all thinking the same thing I am right now: “Really? Matt Damon?”
Hey don’t get me wrong. I liked Good Will Hunting as much as the next disillusioned Slacker, but it was bad enough having to navigate the Ben Affleck years. I’m still pretty sure there was some top-level conspiracy designed to force America into believing some merit could still be found even into the Bennifer craze, which Urban Dictionary has ultimately defined as anything relating to “a horrible combination that may ultimately bring about the apocalypse.” But now we have to suffer through Matt Damon madness?
Screw it. Housewives across America shall not be denied their most superficial fantasies due to the idiocy of yet another populist magazine owned by Time-Warner (and hey, thanks for AOL and CNN too, Ted) just because Matt Damon buffed up and starred in the Bourne Superiority Complex for the third time. We have two words for you, Mr. Turner:
Gerard Butler.
To Sum Up:
