LazlosBasement.com
THE POLITICS OF POP CULTURETHE DR. PHIL CHRONICLES: Episode 2 - Who Is An Even Bigger Douchebag Than Dr. Phil?
Posted December 26th, 2007 in All, Celebrities, Dr. Phil Chronicles, Entertainment, TV Moment of the Weak and Weekend FluffTHE DR. PHIL CHRONICLES: Episode 2
Who Is An Even Bigger Douchebag Than Dr. Phil?

This Guy!
I believe I once promised to explain why I occasionally watch Dr. Phil. There are two reasons really. First, I believe it is wise to study the ways of one’s enemy. Dr. Phil is a shining example of most of the things that scare me about towing the party line. It is difficult to put all of the reasons I dislike Dr. Phil into one coherent thought. He is a subtly (but breathtakingly) misogynistic, sanctimonious, self-promoting, intellectually slothful, greed-driven megalomaniac who believes that the ends justify the means and doesn’t know the meaning of the word hypocricy.
That’s the first reason. The second reason is that there are a few people out there who deserve to spend a day with him, and when one ends up on the show it’s like Christmas in Never-Neverland afar as I’m concerned. Dr. Phil’s true calling in life is to seek out guys who are even bigger douchebags than he is and drown them in a pool of their own medicine for a while. He is the Captain Kirk of daytime talk, out-smugging the leaders of tiny one-house dictatorships around the country. Except Dr. Phil is far too lazy to go exploring. They have to come to him for the pleasure of taking a newspaper whack to the nose on national television. Who doesn’t love to watch a good smugdown on a rainy Wednesday afternoon?
Today’s show The Nanny Affair (Part 1!) is a perfect example. “Brandon” is married to the woman in the photo above. Yeah, she’s a little loopy but in a someone-you-might-actually-know kind of way. Brandon, on the other hand, is a soulless bag of rancid filth. (In fairness I feel the need to add that he’s also a fireman, so potentially he confines his outrageous douchebaggery to his home life. Although somehow I doubt it.) There’s no point in mincing words about what got Brandon on the show. Brandon rapes his babysitters. He feeds them drugs to make them vulnerable and everything. There seems to have been a string of four or five of them. Although Brandon would apparently like to drive home the point that “they were very pretty.” But here’s the good news: Brandon is over it now. Brandon went to therapy like a few months ago, with two different therapists, for a while. So he’s all good. He’d like to move back in with his wife and babies, please. If you think that might be an issue, well Brandon just doesn’t care what you think. Brandon wants to move back home from his dad’s barn. I guess he’s tired of choosing between cows. He took those nannies, uh, I mean his wife, for granted, and he’s a changed man. Oh, and also, if she doesn’t let him back he’s going to bury her in concrete. Ha ha! He’s just kidding!
And this is how great Dr. Phil is. Dr. Phil recognizes that this is a larger issue, that people’s wellbeing if not lives are truly at stake, so this is what he says:
…this is not about television, it’s about you, your family, your marriage, your life. And so I don’t like to hurry things. I have a lot to say to both of you about what I think you should or shouldn’t do about this.
As if we had any doubt!
I don’t expect you to substitute my judgment for your own.
That’s therapist code for “You should absolutely substitute my judgment for your own.”
But I am going to tell you shtraight up what I think and I’m gonna’ tell you wha. And we are just absolutely out of time. We can’t do that. So we’re gonna’ talk about this some more…Tomorrow!
That’s right! You’ve earned the prize! You get to come back for ANOTHER smugdown with the almighty smugmaster Dr. Phil! One hour just wasn’t enough time to expose the extent of your douchebaggery!
Normally I leave 42 minutes with Dr. Phil feeling vaguely depressed and full of smouldering rage, but these episodes remind me that there is a place for ALL of God’s Creatures in this world.

HUD Spends $762 Million Of Your Tax Money To Raise Homeless Rate In New Orleans
Posted December 21st, 2007 in Activism, All, Celebrities, Inside New Orleans, Legal and PoliticsPepper spray keeps protesters behind the gates of New Orleans City Hall.
HOMELESS FOR THE HOLIDAYS:
In what has become an ongoing power struggle between the haves and the have-nots in the predominately African-American city of New Orleans, a unanimous vote by the City Council today approved the demolitions of the three remaining subsidized housing complexes which provided affordable housing to the city’s poor. The City Hall meeting was attended by thousands of protesters hoping to impress the need for the affordable housing structures to council members who now appear to have made up their minds supporting the demolitions before the meeting ever began. Protesters were largely held out of the meeting, and attempts to push through the closed gates at City Hall were met with pepper spray and tazers by NOPD officers. The NOPD later confirmed that pepper spray and tazers are not standard equipment for officers, but rather confined to SWAT officers with specialized training. When asked why SWAT officers were present at a City Hall meeting, the NOPD spokesperson replied that some protesters present “had only one goal in mind - to be disruptive and disobedient.”
This is the latest in a series of clashes between NOPD officers and protesters who oppose the demolition of the city’s few remaining subsidized housing complexes. New Orleans is currently experiencing a housing crisis the likes of which have not been seen since the Civil War. Hurricanes Katrina and Rita destroyed or damaged most of the existing housing in the region, particularly lower-income housing structures and neighborhoods, which lie on lower and therefore less expensive ground. Even the region’s wealthier residents moved down a rung on the financial ladder, having lost homes and income for months or years due to the closure of a city that runs the country’s third largest port. Most residents who owned homes and businesses could not recover damages from their insurance companies, due to a federal ruling that bailed out big insurance companies at the expense of individual homeowners. As a result, not only has the amount of available housing been greatly reduced, but rents have doubled or tripled as property owners attempt to make up for losses which their insurance failed to recover. And like most metropolitan cities in the U.S. these days, the cost of housing was already a major issue even before the region’s devastation. The same housing complexes now slated for demolition had a waiting list of over 8000 families trying to get approved for subsidized housing even before the storms ever hit. With 50,000 people abandoning dangerous FEMA trailers and over 100,000 families still waiting for their Road Home money, homelessness is at an all-time high in the city. Residents who were hit hardest by the storms’ economic devastation have had the least means of recovery, but rather than help them or the region’s economy by creating more affordable housing, elected officials (both local and federal) are pursuing the demolition of thousands of affordable housing units.The City Council’s vote opens the door for HUD to replace the 4500 subsidized apartments with fewer than 800 – an 82% reduction in public housing. Nor will the replacement housing be dedicated entirely to affordable housing efforts - some of the new units are expected to sell for over $400,000. HUD insists that the housing slated for demolition was damaged during the storms and is unsafe, but even local and national architectural preservation groups have repeatedly disagreed, stating that the majority of the structures are of solid brick, architecturally sound, and would almost certainly remain intact long past anything HUD would build as a replacement.
The Lafitte public housing complex, closed and boarded up after hurricane Katrina.
BEHIND THE DEMOLITIONS:
While a vocal minority of the city’s residents and organizations have spoken up to protest the demolitions, it is the silent majority who have allowed HUD (and council members) to proceed with their plans. As with most issues involving an entire sub-section of the population, the back story leading up to today’s council vote is complicated. And as with most issues involving large amounts of money but distressingly little compassion, the conflict will inevitably devolve to create a few winners, and many losers. The winners will end up with money furnished by federal grants to build the new structures, as well as income from higher rents. The losers will fall through the cracks of the country’s rapidly disappearing social programs, and mostly end up homeless. While some may stay in the city, relegated to areas like the now infamous 9th Ward, most will move into poorer, rural areas. And ultimately, that’s probably the goal.
Since the storms, the entire city of New Orleans has become a haven for the kinds of problems which inevitably accompany widespread poverty - crime, drugs, violence, and ever higher rates of corruption. Neighborhoods such as the Garden District and Uptown, historically wealthy and safe (at least for the general public), have had a firsthand look at what happens when the money runs out, and an entire city is left to police itself. Gangs forced out of their homes have enacted turf wars among what used to be middle- and upper-class neighborhoods. Schools, already struggling before the devastation, have been relegated to not much more than crowd control for local youths. Law enforcement, or what remains of it since over half of the force deserted during the storm, has faced frying-pan-or-fire decisions with little leadership, and morale (as well as crime intervention) have plummeted. And all of these problems have been further exacerbated by government inaction which has been at best laissez-faire and ineffectual, and at worst entirely corrupted.
Yet millions of people continue to call the region home, and not just those who can’t afford to move elsewhere. New Orleans is one of the few major metropolitan cities in the U.S. that still fosters a pervasive sense of community and personal history. Residents who love the city insist that there is nowhere else like it in the country, and refuse to abandon it into the hands of crime and corruption. Even the first year after Katrina, locals carried on traditions like Mardi Gras and JazzFest. They have rebuilt homes and businesses, donated time and effort to local organizations, and endeavored to bring the city which was so recently a top travel destination back to its former glory.
But without the assistance of local and federal governments, progress has been slow, and residents at their wits’ ends to rebuild their home are willing to try just about anything. Thus the perfect setting for a little corruption and a lot of demolition has emerged. You can bet that a few, select someones are making a whole lot of dough off of rebuilding residential structures at retail market value where only subsidized housing existed before. HUD floods local media with statements to the effect that public housing “experiments” in New Orleans have failed, and should be replaced with more economically versatile “mixed income” neighborhoods. And so a public which, perhaps rightly, associates violence and random crime with impoverished neighborhoods is willing to see the subsidized housing go. The problem, of course, is that realistically the new neighborhood will probably be anything but versatile. Those who can afford more expensive housing are unwilling to have cheaper, subsidized housing programs in their neighborhoods - and these are the people who can afford to grease the wheels of City Council. Ultimately, the same classism at work in the overall city will prevent new, wealthier neighborhoods from sharing housing with the poor. This leaves the residents of the public housing complexes with nowhere else to go. And perhaps most importantly, leaving people with nothing to lose is exactly the situation that nurtures such widespread crime in the first place.
WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU:
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts… - Shakespeare
If Shakespeare was right and all the world is really a stage, then New Orleans may be merely the opening act for a tragedy of epic proportions to follow. The U.S. is currently experiencing and economic, political, and social downturn that is perhaps unprecedented and, more importantly, severe enough to attract the attention of the entire world. We are the only industrialized nation that fails to provide our citizens with even basic healthcare, we have millions of citizens who cannot afford food or housing, we are a target for the kind of terrorism that is clearly sophisticated enough to evade our best military efforts, and we are losing the respect and perhaps more importantly the cooperation of nations which have historically been our allies. When terrorists attacked New York in 2001, the whole world offered an outpouring of compassion and assistance to the victims. When Katrina devastated New Orleans in 2005, even our local governments didn’t provide the most basic aid and assistance. Whether the difference is racism, classism, politics, or time, there is no doubt that the rest of the world is watching to see what happens when a major U.S. city loses the support of its nation. Future acts of terrorism may indeed be economic rather than political in nature - because regional economic devastation now clearly appears to be the weakest link in our country’s emergency action plan.
Other reasons you should care:
- HUD is a federal program, which means it’s spending your tax money to demolish and rebuild the structures unnecessarily. To be more specific, $762 million of your money is helping HUD tear down over 4,600 public housing subsidized apartments and replace them with 744 similarly subsidized units – an 82 percent reduction. Can you think of anything you’d rather do with that money? We can.
- Journalists investigating the situation have uncovered major corruption in associated federal programs - the corruption is not limited to New Orleans.
- Crime follows poverty - people who have been pushed out of their homes in New Orleans will move to other cities, and their problems will follow. Don’t think for a moment that the New Orleans City Council doesn’t realize this.
- Communities of Faith are publicly denouncing the decision - including the Christian Unity Baptist Church, Ebenezer Baptist Church, Faith in Action Evangelistic Team, First United Baptist Church, Mennonite Disaster Services, New Orleans Interfaith Worker Justice, Southern Christian Leadership Conference, Total Community Action Faith Collaborative, and others.
- “Big Government” is making all the rules - only it’s not so big. All of the decisions regarding the HUD demolitions for New Orleans are made by a committee of one - Mr. Donald Barbara. So much for checks and balances.
-
This is your future - New Orleans, located in what is typically considered a “pink” state, is one of the few U.S. cities with a remarkable balance of diversity; conservatives and liberals, natives and immigrants (both documented and undocumented), caucasians and minorities, suburbanites and rural families, secular and parochial communities, “old money” and working-class people all live in a relatively localized area at the foot of the Mississippi river. As U.S. demographics change in the coming years, our communities will become more racially and economically mixed, and more cities will reflect the diversity that is currently present in New Orleans. How we deal with issues in light of these changes will determine the course of our nation’s future - it is no small matter; not to New Orleanians, and not to you.
Support The Gulf Coast Housing Recovery Act
This bill has passed the House and is currently being debated in the Senate.
Make sure your senator supports the bill, and the President signs it.
To Wear Or Not To Wear - that is the (stupid) question (again)
Posted December 15th, 2007 in Activism, All, Basement Fashion, Beauty Wars and EntertainmentMary Kate and Ashley Olson, or Ashley and Mary Kate Olson
Believe it or not, fur is yet again at the forefront of a fashion controversy. For reasons I can’t begin to imagine, much less explain, this time the tweenagers are wearing it. I don’t know about you, but the last person I remember seeing in a fur coat was my great-aunt (not that she didn’t look lovely in it). We literally couldn’t give my grandmother’s furs away. So far be it from me to explain why Park Avenue fashionistas are embracing a trend which I can personally assure you the entire homeless population of a major metropolitan city considers too tacky to wear, even on cold days.
On the other hand, nothing is too tacky for the Olson twins, who have turned their wandering but deadly attention to small, defenseless woodland creatures. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals but Downright Barbaric Treatment of People Suspected of Supporting the Fur Trade, or The People Standing Next To Them - or PETA - has somehow overcome its demure nature to make a few statements about the admittedly ridiculous retro fashion trend. PETA launched an intenet campaign mocking the Olson twins for their fur fetish, as well as for featuring fuzzy critter’s backsizes in what can only be assumed to be (the twins’) most godawful trashy clothing line every created - Mary Kate and Ashley Go To Walmart. The clothing line, actually called Elizabeth and James in honor of their two other siblings Lizzie and Trent (?) apparently includes a total of four outfits, at least three of which have definite potential to raise your income level at street corners. Some items also feature fur, prompting PETA to create interactive features like the “Full House of Horrors” and “Dress Up The Trollsons.” PETA also hosts voguesucks.com in response to continued fur ads featured by the magazine mogul. Other celebrities sporting fur include Jennifer Lopez, Cindy Crawford, Paris Hilton, bla bla bla… but we all agree that the Olsons are the most fun to pick on.
Now for the dreaded analysis. Shall we divide the room into blue and red before we continue?
- Are the fur trade’s practices cruel to animals? Of course they are. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.
- Does that mean wearing fur is immoral? What answer can we all hope to agree on? Some people would swear it is, some would swear it’s not, some can’t decide because they don’t know what Jesus would do. Some argue that the act of wearing the fur is not inherently cruel, and should therefore be distinguished from the cruelty of the trade. I’d call that splitting hairs, but let’s be honest. Generally those of us who would gag at the idea of wearing a dead chinchilla still regularly wear leather, and hamburger is the most popular food in the country. Cosmetic research overwhelmingly involves animal testing, as do medical and pharmaceutical research. Fast food is made predominately of farm animals, sometimes fed on other farm animals. Michael Vick aside, it would be hypocritical to deny that it’s not so much a morality issue as the cuteness factor at work. If we really wanted to address animal cruelty at its core, we’d have much bigger “fish” to fry than Tinsley Fashionista. Besides, even if you’re a hemp-wearing vegan control freak, you can’t really want to start passing laws against wearing stupid clothes unless you enjoy pubic nudity. Can you not already picture the Senate Sub-Committee On Moral Attire? It’s a Margaret Atwood novel waiting to happen.
- So can we wear it or what? The point is, lots of people who can’t agree on much else nevertheless mutually recognize the trend of “fur for fashion” to be unnecessarily cruel and wasteful, but we’re not your mom. We can’t stop anyone from making an ass of their own tacky self. So rather than argue back and forth about the correct reason to dislike the fur trend, let’s do this: All you loony adults who want to embrace fur should go nuts, for one last season. Put it on the runways. Slather it across the magazines. Make every starlet premiering a new movie wear at least a handmuff on the red carpet. Really do it up right, because the only sure way I know to make our kids terminally hate a trend is for us to embrace it fully. Which is why your child wouldn’t be caught dead listening to hair metal… oh sh-
*Fur-Free Action Guide - published by the Humane Society of the United States
UPDATE - HUD Gives (Some Of) New Orleans Poor A Break
Posted December 14th, 2007 in Activism, All, Inside New Orleans, Legal and PoliticsCitizens of four New Orleans public housing complexes were finally allowed their day in court, 24 hours before the scheduled demolition of four public housing structures that have become vital housing for families who were displaced by the effects of hurricane Katrina. Civil rights attorney Bill Quigley, who readers might recall was arrested at a city hall protest on the issue recently, was present at the hearing. He and other attorneys for the families currently living in 4500 subsidized apartments successfully argued that New Orleans City Council must approve the demolition of three of the four structures before HUD can continue. The fourth structure’s demolition will continue as scheduled; the official reason for the continued demolition was that the decision to demolish this structure “had occurred before Hurricane Katrina.” Apparently Katrina was so powerful it changed situation for three of the structures, but not powerful enough to change the fourth. At any rate, the decision is being considered a success. At least, it is by the 3/4 of residents who won’t be homeless on Christmas.
FALCONS FAIL - But Dunn Is Still A Class Act
Posted December 11th, 2007 in Activism, All, Commentary, Entertainment and Sports
Warrick Dunn visits soldiers in Afghanistan
The Atlanta Falcons have had a particularly miserable season, and it’s only getting worse. By now you’ve heard that Michael Vick has been sentenced to 23 months in prison for the infamous dogfighting case. As if that weren’t bad enough, several Falcons players showed up to last night’s game against the Saints wearing various visible signs of support for Vick - from a “Free Mike Vick” jersey, to carrying posters of the felon on the field, to writing Vick’s name across their faces. Shameful. Fortunately for us, Drew Brees and the Saints ran roughshod over the Vick supporters.
There’s nothing positive about Vick’s situation, and having mortgaged their entire team for this total waste of skin, not much positive about the Falcons’ situation either. But instead of continuing to give press to Vick, we’re going to shift our focus to the team’s silver lining; running back Warrick Dunn. Dunn is the one bright spot on the Falcons’ roster. Known for his extensive charity work, Dunn has had a rough road to the NFL. His mother, a Florida police officer, was killed in the line of duty when he Dunn was in high school. After her death, Dunn put all his energy into maintaining a football scholarship with the Florida State Seminoles while raising his orphaned siblings. Dunn recently met with his mother’s killer for the first time since her death, crediting time and good counseling for his ability to maintain his composure during the 90 minute meeting. Warrick Dunn is the definition of a real man. So what is he doing on a team led by misanthropes? Simple. Warrick Dunn’s heart is in his foundation, which builds homes for single parents. Falcons owner Arthur Blank is the co-founder of Home Depot, which is obviously in a unique position to assist in that cause. Dunn is making lemon meringue pie out of the lemons life handed him. His QB could take a lesson.
—–
*Late Addition:
I swear I’m trying to finish this post, but the Falcons just keep unraveling. Since I started writing Coach Bobby Petrino has resigned from this, his first year in the NFL. Despite owner Blank’s assurances yesterday that Petrino would return to coach the Falcons again next year, Petrino has apparently taken the coaching position at Arkansas.
Since we’re here anyway, one final word about the Vick case - yes, it’s despicable. Yes, he’s a loser. Yes, he deserves his sentence. But let’s not jump the gun on congratulating ourselves. There’s something very wrong with a system that publicly decries a player for dogfighting but comparatively ignores regular incidents of domestic abuse, common both to the NFL and to the general public. Where is the media outcry against that?
NFL players who have been arrested for domestic violence while active within roughly the last year:
AJ Nicholson - Bengals
Michael Pittman - Buccaneers
Najeh Davenport - Steelers
Santonio Holmes - Steelers
Jamaal Brown - Saints
Ben Coates - Patriots
Sean Locklear - Seahawks
Damion McIntosh - Dolphins
Ahman Green - Packers
Reuben Droughns - Browns
Markus Curry - Chargers
Rob Reynolds - Titans
LazlosBasement.com is proudly powered by
WordPress
Entries (RSS)
and Comments (RSS).


















