LazlosBasement.com

If you’re looking for this summer’s hottest legal thriller, you’ve come to the right place. Fiction is fine for some, but here at the Basement we find plenty of entertainment at our local house of justice. No one but no one does scandal and corruption like the power hungry politicos of New Orleans. Just ask our local attorneys.

On the afternoon of Wednesday May 27, 2008 one mister James G. Perdigao filed civil action number 08-3570 with Eastern Louisiana U.S. District Court. Civil actions (that’s legal jargon for lawsuits to you and me) get filed every day, but all civil actions are far from equal…and this one is a whopper. Money, politics, more money, corruption, lots of money, cover ups, really really gigantic wads of cash, extortion, a staggering amount of dinero, attempted murder, and a just downright unbelievable amount of moolah, this case has more than enough to fill the pages of John Grisham’s next three novels.

I have in my hot little hands a copy of the very 73 page “brief” which outlines (with great aplomb) the various and sundry reasons why Mr. Perdigao feels that the law firm of Adams and Reese, L.L.P. owes him some of that prodigious amount of cash. According to the suit, Mr. Perdigao (who was a partner with the firm from 1993 until 2004) was privy to the inner workings of the firm’s many business ventures, both legal and not-so-much. His side of the short story goes something like this: Firm engages in copious illegal activities including bribery and extortion, Perdigao resists firm’s strong-arm tactics to involve him in various cover ups, firm engages in character assassination, Perdigao becomes official scapegoat, FBI gets involved, house of cards tumbles faster than a cheetah on speed, Perdigao files suit and names names. Big names. Names like Congressman Jefferson (you remember him from the recent frozen money scandal), former District Attorney Eddie Jordan (a cocksucker of the highest order) and former Mayor Marc Morial (of the infamous Johnson Controls scandal), as well as high-ranking businessmen like Robert J. Guidry (part owner of the Treasure Chest Casino).

The long story is, as ever, more complicated if no less Hollywoodesque. The file reads eerily like the script of a summer blockbuster, ironic in that the Louisiana Motion Picture Incentive Act is at the core of much of the debatably legal income garnered by named defendant Robert Vosbein. He and all of his partners (Charles P. Adams, B. Jeffrey Brooks, Edwin C. Laizer, Paul J. Lassalle, Thomas G. O’Brien, Mark J. Spansel, and Martin A. Stern) will have to answer charges ranging from racketeering and bribery to obstruction of justice and retaliation against a government witness in response to Perdigao’s allegations, the most notable of which include a trail of bribery leading directly from Guidry, through Congressman Jefferson to D.A. Jordan.

Following a series of hearings in July-September, 1997 in Baton Rouge dealing with [former Governor Edwin Edwards, who was sentenced to 10 years in prison on racketeering charges – what a coincidence!]…seized cash, Guidry noted to Vosbein, Wilson, and plaintiff that Ewin would not do well in Baton Rouge and that Andrew [Martin] intended to ride Edwin’s coattails because Andrew was broke. Guidry related that he could outspend all of those M*****F*****’s and that he was getting his own insurance, referring to his plan to bribe U.S. Attorney Eddie Jordan through the efforts of U.S. Rep. Bill Jefferson…. Guidry informed Vosbein, Wilson, and plaintiff that he was confident that he would be able to keep his money. Guidry proclaimed that he had an ace in the hole, and that his ace was an ace of spades, referring to his African-American co-conspirator.

Good stuff, right? For those of you following along at home, that’s on page 7. The brief goes on to describe one such bribery encounter being carried out:

In the spring of 1998, plaintiff had a meeting with Guidry at Guidry’s penthouse apartment above his offices in Harvey, Louisiana. At this meeting, as they were discussing recent events regarding the Edwards grand jury in Baton Rouge, Guidry proceeded to tell plaintiff how he was bribing U.S. Attorney Eddie Jordan through U.S. Rep. Bill Jefferson. Guidry noted that he never placed the money directly in Jefferson’s hands, but rather under the back steps while Jefferson watched inside through the window. Guidry then recounted the story of his first “drop” under the back steps of Jefferson’s house in New Orleans. When Guidry entered the backyard, he found two sets of steps. With a puzzled look, he glanced through the window for directions from Jefferson. Guidry related that both he and Jefferson “cracked up laughing” as Jefferson pointed him to behind a planter by the correct stairs.

Page 9. Hard to believe, isn’t it? But in this mass of greed and obfuscation so tremendous that it does almost seem like a joke, there are victims to consider, and I’m not talking about poor deposed lawyer Perdigao. Central to much of the financial scandal is the insurance industry, which has more than a small effect on this hurricane-ravaged region. The brief goes on to detail numerous incidents which served to defraud both the firm’s clients and – most importantly to my delicate sensibilities – thousands upon thousands of Louisiana insurance holders who will ultimately continue to pay the price for the firm’s alleged misdeeds in the form of outrageous premiums, extra fees, and/or being dropped altogether from their policies. The brief explains how the firm made a repetitive practice of recruiting former city and state government officials with the express intention of placing them on projects which they are by law barred from addressing within two years upon leaving elected or appointed office. Of particular note is the description of the firm’s employment of former Louisiana Insurance Commissioner Robert Wooley (who replaced Commissioner Jim Brown after he was convicted of lying to an FBI agent – is anyone else starting to see a pattern emerge here?)

With similar ethical constraints as [former Mayor] Morial, Teamer, and Coulon, Wooley would be prohibited from representing insurance companies before the Louisiana Department of Insurance for a period of two years after he left office. But the firm proposed to put forward a “low-key grinder” to front the insurance regulatory work for Wooley during his two-year probation. In addition, the firm proposed to use Wooley as a state legislative lobbyist for his insurance company clients. Plaintiff recommend…to obtain an ethics opinion from the Louisiana Board of Ethics on the legality of a former Insurance Commissioner engaging in legislative lobbying on behalf of insurance company clients during his two-year probation. They decided that they did not want to risk an adverse opinion and instead would try to have Wooley “fly below the radar.” They advised plaintiff that his advice was no longer needed.

It gets better. Wooley followed the firm’s advice while he was in office, which essentially suggests that he tied his financial and therefore political future in with the firm while he was supposed to be protecting Louisiana consumers from things like insurance fraud as the state’s Insurance Commissioner. Perdigao’s suit states that Commissioner Wooley “helped push through a measure that allowed insurance companies to raise rates by up to 10% without the approval of the Louisiana Insurance Rating Commission. This so-called ‘flex-band’ initiative promoted by Commissioner Wooley was a gift to insurers at the expense of Louisiana consumers.” The suit goes on to describe how Wooley’s pet project, the creation of Louisiana Citizens Property Insurance Corporation, served to allow insurance companies to pass their losses on to policyholders rather than pay to insure their own losses. Insurance Companies previously made money by distributing their risk around to a much larger area and re-insuring against their own losses; they could afford to insure New Orleans area houses because they also insured inland areas at a much lower rate. Any losses they suffered were offset by the lower risk areas. The suit states “After Louisiana Citizens was created, all losses were directly passed on to policyholders as surcharges, effectively taking insurance companies off the hook.”

Of course, that only matters if you can actually get insurance in the first place. Perdigao’s suit accuses the firm of creating and profiting from a situation which allowed insurers (specifically Allstate) to unilaterally drop coverage to nearly 30,000 policyholders in 18 coastal parishes. When the Louisiana Department of Insurance threatened to sue, guess who represented Allstate.

Allstate performed drive-by inspections of roughly 40,000 homes in the New Orleans area in an inspection process that took less than one minute per home. However, many customers who received cancellations letters complained to the Louisiana Department of Insurance that their homes had already been or were in the process of being repaired and that their coverage should not have been terminated. In the Spring of 2007, the Louisiana Department of Insurance forced Allstate to scrap this drive by inspection process that resulted in several thousand homeowners getting their policies canceled. Meanwhile, Allstate reported a record of $5 billion profit for 2006…. During his two-year prohibition [against handling any insurance business involving the state after his term as Insurance Commissioner], Wooley directed an army of lawyers at the firm looking for technicalities to allow Allstate to drop long-standing customers in storm-prone areas of the state, violating both the letter and the spirit of Louisiana’s consumer protection laws.

Perdigao’s suit goes on to cite further illegalities involving other large insurers as well as the state Medicaid system (because why stop at just taking your house, when they can ruin health insurance too) before moving on to accuse the firm of obstructing justice on several occasions and then trying to have him murdered. According to the suit, Perdigao was attacked by gunfire two days after firm partner Vosbein threatened him, saying “the snitch usually ends up in the ditch.” Apparently the firm’s $16,000 per hour rates financed an education in bumper sticker mentality.

So that’s the bad news. The good news? Adams and Reese, L.L.P, has no intention of going down without a fight. With any luck we’ll all get a front row seat as these titan douchebags undertake to prove once and for all who is the douchiest douche among them (Perdigao is asking for a jury trial on all counts).

Hollywood ain’t got nothin’ on us, Louisiana.

Coming Up: Law firm Adams and Reese, L.L.P. responds to the suit.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Webby Awards: Excellence on the internet.

The International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences have honored their selections for the best internet sites with Webby Awards for 2008. We have taken the liberty of paring down the list of 140 sites to bring you some notable winners:

PostSecret (Blog; Cultural/Personal) - A weekly conglomeration of postcards sent in by anonymous readers with something to confess. A must-view for your inner vouyer.

HowStuffWorks.com (Best Copy/Writing) - What makes a superdelegate “super?” Why is that little black box so important? What is a sword swallower actually swallowing? Find answers to the nagging questions that prevent you from dedicating your full attention to whatever it is you’re actually supposed to be doing. Good for simple instructions, not great for deep philosophical matters.

BestWeekEver.tv (People’s Voice Winner, Celebrity/Fan site) - Online version of VH1’s hit pop culture meta-show. Chock full of juicy links.

TheOnion.com (Humor) - Snarkasm at its best.

PassiveAggressiveNotes.com (Weird) - A cross between PostSecret and PostcardsFromYoMamma.

HuffingtonPost.com (Blog; Political) - Arianna’s wikizine, and source of some of our favorite political analysis. May not be appropriate for red state readers.

BBC (People’s Voice Winner, News) - Global news without Rupert Murdoch’s approval.

Artocracy.com (People’s Voice Winner, Art) - Dedicated to improving the sustainability of affordable, original artwork by using the internet to connect patrons and artists.

National Geographic (Best Use of Photography) - Reader submission photographs from around the world.

Yelp.com (Guide/Reviews) - The web’s Zagat.

LoveIsRespect.org (Activism) - With the National Center for Disease Control (CDC) declaring intimate partner violence a national health epidemic, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline has employed direct advertising dollars to created a user-friendly website suitable as a first resource for teens and adults alike.

Katrina; An Unnatural Disaster (Charitable) - The Open Society Institutes’s longitudinal look at the social implications and after-effects of hurricane Katrina.

Design for the Other 90% (Cultural Institution) - The Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum’s exhibition on sustainable, humanitarian design projects.

Kiva.org (People’s Voice Award; Charitable) - The web’s leader in global improvement by microlending.

Blurb.com (Services) - Make your own books.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

15 year old pop sensation Miley Cyrus, topless on the cover of Vanity Fair.

Miley Cyrus is having a rough week. The 15 year old actress/singer, best known for her lead role on the Disney series Hannah Montana, is the subject of the newest Hollywood scandal, a result of a series of sexually suggestive photographs which have hit the press in recent weeks. The first round of photos hit the internet in mid-April, and show the star posing suggestively on a couch, and pulling down her shirt to reveal sexy lingerie underneath. Cyrus refused to comment on the pictures, stopping just short of insisting that the photos actually show a look-alike impostor. However, she cannot deny the subsequent cover of Vanity Fair magazine, for which she posed with no top holding only a bed sheet to her chest (seen above). The sexuality of the photograph immediately came under fire, and Cyrus (who incidentally performed what many viewers considered to be an inappropriately sexually charged routine during last week’s episode of American Idol ) released a public statement that she is “embarrassed” by the cover. Celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz, who shot the cover, and Cyrus’ father, country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, have both taken a public relations beating over the photos.

But if Billy Ray’s Achy Breaky Heart is broken, he can’t blame it all on Vanity Fair. Miley Cyrus is merely the newest pop starlett to follow the fame treasure map, where X marks over-celebrified success (just ask Britney). The map’s route to fame and fortune is clear; find a pretty pre-teen, sex her up to the max, insist that she is nevertheless as pure as driven snow, put a microphone in her hand, and shove her in front of the camera. Presto - instant famehoor. Never has our society’s love for the hooker with a heart of gold been more obvious, more revered, or indeed more media supported. But what fun would it be to let the story end there? No, now that we’ve set her up for success, it’s time to knock the girl down (just ask Britney again).

If Cyrus can take comfort in one thing (other than her multiplying bank account) it is the fact that pre-teen popettes aren’t alone in the feeding frenzy for celebrity scandal. Instant fame comes in many forms, and all of them are subject to the whims of a country which is starving for distraction from the harsh reality of a halting economy. Even the kings of the celebrity world - the athletes - are lined up for summary judgment.

Take for example the New York Daily News‘ recent reported that major league pitcher Roger Clemens carried on a 10 year long sexual affair with Mindy McReady, a country singer who was 15 years old in 1990 when then 28 year old Clemens allegedly initiated the affair. Clemens, who is married with four children, was also named in the 2007 Mitchell Report on illegal steroid use in professional baseball. The athlete responded to the report with a defamation of character lawsuit, which subsequently caused his family history to be investigated and unearthed evidence of the affair.

The question is, does this affair really come as a shock to a nation which glorifies both youth and fame? Do we not expect our pop heroes to pair up with the country’s sexified sweethearts? Think Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson/Carrie Underwood. And although Clemens has previously capitalized on a reputation as a morality-driven family man, he is hardly the first athlete to fall under the suspicious eye of the press. America is a country which routinely treats celebrities and professional athletes as demi-gods, allowing them to go above the law and outside the usual rules of polite society. At the same time, celebrities are ever trying to negotiate the fine line between popularity and over-exposure, which invariably leads to ridicule. The line between the two can shift with the click of a camera.

But why are we now so focused on the downside of fame, when we are the ones who paid for the tickets and magazines in the first place? Why are the paparazzi gaining both strength and numbers while nearly every other occupation is struggling just to stay above water? The answer is as simple as it is insidious. A nation immersed in a suffering economy, a never-ending war, and a failing mortgage industry is sick and tired of seeing people who don’t cure diseases or save babies from burning buildings claw their way to the top, and flaunt their means once they get there. While we struggle to pay off multiple levels of debt, we demand a sense of gratitude from those we perceive as exempt from the long hard fall, even though they are used to being treated like the second coming. Or perhaps because of it.

The unfortunate reality, however, is that no one whose life is rooted in our society is truly exempt… political powers possibly aside (after all, those who make the rules rarely fail to protect themselves when the proverbial shit hits the fan). Instead, celebrities who may or may not be prone to the same financial woes as the rest of us are stuck in a battle to maintain their privileged status, and for many of them it is a battle which must be fought sharply uphill. Patrick Ewing may have been more right than we imagined when he uttered the immortal words, “Sure, we make a lot of money, but we spend a lot of money.” The fact is that celebrity costs money, and even those who are used to the dollars coming easy are feeling the pinch. Easy come, but easier go…. And while the American public continues to struggle to put food on the table and gas in the tank, chances are good the celebrity world will continue to serve as the source of one of the few distractions we can still afford…the righteous, public downfall of those who have profited from our misguided national obsession with youth, beauty, fame, and fortune.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites