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Models Jen (size 12) and Marianne (size 0) squared off across the pond…and Jen’s the last woman standing. Probably because Jen ate breakfast.

As you might guess, I’m not a huge fan of those Who Wants To Make Me America’s Most Smartest Supermodel shows which pit skinny self-impressed morons against other skinny self-impressed morons, and which are judged by petty, sarcastic, self-enamored has-beens who hate every single contestant for being younger than they are.

I was, however, recently induced to watch season 2 of England’s Make Me A Supermodel, which featured model Jen Hunter, a gorgeous young mother who happens to hover somewhere around a size 12. The show’s producers (whose IQ’s are at least a standard deviation above any of the judges) let the judging panel, led by hosebeast Rachel Hunter, have their heads as far as insulting the “fat, lazy and greedy” Jen. The judges completely melted down as the popular vote put Jen through round after round, and English audiences got a front row view into the icy, hollow insides of Ms. Hunter and her evil minions. The result was that Jen’s size became her kryptonite to the weak, pasty horror of all the size 00 female contestants, who dropped like flies. Jen, eliminated after the swimsuit round, was nevertheless the last woman standing, as well as the first woman to walk into the lookbooks of Cape Model - a major modeling agency - in size 12 couture. While she continues to face prejudice in the industry regarding her size, she maintains both her her dignity and her bodyweight in stunning form.

Skinny wasn’t always the rage; the general preference has historically been for the women considered most beautiful to be voloptuous as an indication of good health and fertility. The fashion industry, which is in the business of selling clothes, not beauty or health, moved away from regular sized models to super skinny waifism in an effort to reduce the amount of attention that the models were diverting from the clothing. In other words, they didn’t look enough like hangers. Kate Moss resulted.

Even original supermodel Twiggy, known for impersonating a giraffe, is speaking up in defense of larger models.

“It’s very worrying,” Twiggy said in Los Angeles.
The 57-year-old pop icon has called on fashion magazines to ban unhealthily skinny models and for the modelling [sic] industry to be regulated.
Born Lesley Hornby, but given the nickname Twiggy for her reed-thin body, said she was naturally skinny when she revolutionised [sic] the fashion world in the late 1960s.
“When I was modelling through 16 to 20, when I got blamed for making kids want to be thin, I ate absolutely everything, but I was naturally skinny,” she said.
“I ate, but I had a really high metabolism.”
Today, many models, actresses and women in the public eye have lost large amounts of weight and Twiggy, without naming names, says it is easy to spot them.
“You get what I call the lollypop look,” she said.
“If somebody is not naturally slender, if their head is too big for their body, the chances are they are dieting too much.”
It is not just Hollywood’s young women that concern her, with Twiggy pointing to well-known actresses beyond their 20s who appear to be starving themselves.
“A lot of them aren’t girls,” Twiggy continued.
“They are women. You can’t believe somebody in their 30s and 40s would want to do that or go there.
“It’s incredible really.”

Europe has begun to reclaim fashion by insisting that clothing be designed for a larger range of sizes. As recently as last month, three models were fired during Milan’s fashion week for being too thin. This move needs to hop the pond and descend like a ton of bricks on the sort of people who would call Liv Tyler fat, post-haste.

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Mary Kate and Ashley Olson, or Ashley and Mary Kate Olson

Believe it or not, fur is yet again at the forefront of a fashion controversy. For reasons I can’t begin to imagine, much less explain, this time the tweenagers are wearing it. I don’t know about you, but the last person I remember seeing in a fur coat was my great-aunt (not that she didn’t look lovely in it). We literally couldn’t give my grandmother’s furs away. So far be it from me to explain why Park Avenue fashionistas are embracing a trend which I can personally assure you the entire homeless population of a major metropolitan city considers too tacky to wear, even on cold days.

On the other hand, nothing is too tacky for the Olson twins, who have turned their wandering but deadly attention to small, defenseless woodland creatures. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals but Downright Barbaric Treatment of People Suspected of Supporting the Fur Trade, or The People Standing Next To Them - or PETA - has somehow overcome its demure nature to make a few statements about the admittedly ridiculous retro fashion trend. PETA launched an intenet campaign mocking the Olson twins for their fur fetish, as well as for featuring fuzzy critter’s backsizes in what can only be assumed to be (the twins’) most godawful trashy clothing line every created - Mary Kate and Ashley Go To Walmart. The clothing line, actually called Elizabeth and James in honor of their two other siblings Lizzie and Trent (?) apparently includes a total of four outfits, at least three of which have definite potential to raise your income level at street corners. Some items also feature fur, prompting PETA to create interactive features like the “Full House of Horrors” and “Dress Up The Trollsons.” PETA also hosts voguesucks.com in response to continued fur ads featured by the magazine mogul. Other celebrities sporting fur include Jennifer Lopez, Cindy Crawford, Paris Hilton, bla bla bla… but we all agree that the Olsons are the most fun to pick on.

Now for the dreaded analysis. Shall we divide the room into blue and red before we continue?

• Are the fur trade’s practices cruel to animals? Of course they are. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.
• Does that mean wearing fur is immoral? What answer can we all hope to agree on? Some people would swear it is, some would swear it’s not, some can’t decide because they don’t know what Jesus would do. Some argue that the act of wearing the fur is not inherently cruel, and should therefore be distinguished from the cruelty of the trade. I’d call that splitting hairs, but let’s be honest. Generally those of us who would gag at the idea of wearing a dead chinchilla still regularly wear leather, and hamburger is the most popular food in the country. Cosmetic research overwhelmingly involves animal testing, as do medical and pharmaceutical research. Fast food is made predominately of farm animals, sometimes fed on other farm animals. Michael Vick aside, it would be hypocritical to deny that it’s not so much a morality issue as the cuteness factor at work. If we really wanted to address animal cruelty at its core, we’d have much bigger “fish” to fry than Tinsley Fashionista. Besides, even if you’re a hemp-wearing vegan control freak, you can’t really want to start passing laws against wearing stupid clothes unless you enjoy pubic nudity. Can you not already picture the Senate Sub-Committee On Moral Attire? It’s a Margaret Atwood novel waiting to happen.
• So can we wear it or what? The point is, lots of people who can’t agree on much else nevertheless mutually recognize the trend of “fur for fashion” to be unnecessarily cruel and wasteful, but we’re not your mom. We can’t stop anyone from making an ass of their own tacky self. So rather than argue back and forth about the correct reason to dislike the fur trend, let’s do this: All you loony adults who want to embrace fur should go nuts, for one last season. Put it on the runways. Slather it across the magazines. Make every starlet premiering a new movie wear at least a handmuff on the red carpet. Really do it up right, because the only sure way I know to make our kids terminally hate a trend is for us to embrace it fully. Which is why your child wouldn’t be caught dead listening to hair metal… oh sh-

*Fur-Free Action Guide - published by the Humane Society of the United States

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GoFugYourself published this yaktastic photo MaryKate and/or Ashley Olson over the weekend. Honestly, who cares which one? I just hope whoever she is, she realizes that hundreds of innocent banana cream pies died so she could wear that … dress?

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