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Trivia: Whose smile is bigger today; Jeremy Shockey’s or Lazlo’s?

Here’s an official welcome to Jeremy Shockey, newest member of the New Orleans Saints! We’re certain he will enjoy the mild-mannered clean living of our little town every bit as much as we do.

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Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal vetoes legislature’s self-approved pay raise.

Less than a week after assuring the Louisiana state legislature that he would stay out of their affairs, Governor Bobby Jindal announced that he will veto a bill which would have doubled the legislature’s salary. The legislation, which was passed only two weeks ago, has for some reason lit the spark under voters in a way that massive national scandal previously failed to do. At least two recall petitions have been filed against the governor, as well as several notable legislators including the state’s Speaker of House. Rallies and protests targeting the controversial bill been called off in response to today’s announcement.

Although I personally agree that the legislature’s base salary of $16,000 is too low, I’m also aware that every single one of those legislators asked for the job. Louisiana voters who - let’s face it - will take a lot of crap from their elected officials, apparently draw the line at voting to double one’s own salary at taxpayers’ expense. Too greedy to even allow the salary change to take effect after the next election, it seems legislators have finally found ground upon which even their flocks will not be fleeced. Naturally the voters feel that, while there are plenty of worthy causes since the storm which deserve to have the legislatiors’ full attention, their own salary is not one of them. Why these people couldn’t just take bribes like any other local politician is entirely beyond us.

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Bush and Kardashian headed toward altar;

Saints fans headed toward mass seppuku.

Dear Reggie,

Someone has to say it. This thing is getting out of control. We know, Reggie, we know. You’re young, you’re rich, you’re cut like a straightrazor, and this town thinks every little thing you do is magic. We get it. We’re Saints fans. We want to support you, even if you do hail from SC. What I’m trying to saying is, we’re willing to go all in. But listen to us just this once. Let us save you from yourself this one time, and we promise you will be thanking us every day of your long, fruitful, hall of famey NFL career. Just take this one piece of advice. Just hear us say this one thing. Dear Reggie, do not tie your life to Kim Kardashian until death and/or a gigantic wad of your hard earned cash do you part. Kim may look as juicy as overripe peach in August, but she is not The One.

Sincerely,

Saints Fans Everywhere

The Saints running back has reportedly been “dating” famewhore Kardashian since April of 2007, which incidentally is about as long as his over-hyped performance has been disappointing NFL fans across the league. True, the relationship between the two is far from the largest scandal in professional sports; they’re both adults, no one is beating anyone up, and as far as we know there are no needles involved. That doesn’t make it any easier for Saints fans to look on as Bush, whose full attention ought to be devoted to the likes of Sean Payton and Drew Brees, traipses across the country on the arm of the world’s biggest trollop. So here’s a list of the top ten things we hope Bush will take into account before he escorts Kardashian down the aisle in her (world’s most ironic) white wedding dress:

10 Signs That Kim Kardashian Is Not Marriage Material

1. She was introduced to you by Paris Hilton.

2. You rang in 2008 together…while she hosted the Tanqueray and Ciroc New Year’s party in South Beach.

3. She publicly stated that the “one thing” she did learn from 2007 was to keep her private life private.

3a) She only learned one thing in 2007.

3b) She apparently didn’t learn it until she was finished pimping her own sex tape.

3c) That guy in the tape isn’t you.

4. She followed up this lesson in privacy by pitching her new reality TV show.

5. Her dad’s claim to fame is defending O. J. Simpson during his criminal trial. In other words, O. J. is out there, playing golf and generally messing his kids’ lives up even further (If He Did It) because of her daddy. Can you say, “Daddy issues”?

6. Cut to stepdad Bruce Jenner. I’m just saying.

7. Kim likes to joke about trapping you into marriage by getting pregnant. Ha ha!

8. She’s making Ryan Seacrest even more money than he already has. Seacrest Productions produces her show.

9. Who ever called Kim cheap? A personal appearance from Kim’ll cost ya’ $25,000. Imagine what a whole marriage would cost.

10. Hurricane Kim is not exactly our disaster relief poster girl of choice. ‘Nuff said.

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